How To Become A Social Butterfly In Just 4 Steps

"I'm trying so hard to come out of my shell."

"How can I be more social?"

"I am so closed off. I need help opening up to people."

"I'm frustrated inside. I have so much to let out but don't know how."

You love your comfort zone.

Plus, new social situations freak you out.

But you know you need to make a change. NOW!

Your life has become stagnant, repetitive and boring.

The good news is that it's doable.

Don't fret. It's completely natural to feel a bit overwhelmed at first, at the idea of stepping outside of your comfort zone, even if in a seemingly small or insignificant way.

In order to combat the overwhelming proposition of change, tackle the issue by working on one small step at a time.

The end goal is to meet more people, however, here are two questions you can ask yourself to get the ball rolling:

  1. What's one thing that you can do right now?
  2. What's one small step that you can take this very moment to bring you closer to that goal than you were a minute ago?

If you're thinking about how to answer those two questions then you're already doing a great job! Here are some more helpful hints:

Get out of the house.

It's a seemingly simple solution, yet it does meet the criteria I've established being that it is a small step that you can take right now, which also brings you closer to your goal.

  • Ever see a movie called "Baby Steps" starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus? It's an oldie but goodie, and the entire plot centers around Bob (Bill Murray) who suffers form OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).
  • His therapist, Leo Marvin (Richard Dreyfus) has just published a groundbreaking book entitled "Baby Steps," which advocates a cure for all sorts of anxiety and issues by focusing on the one immediate step that an individual can take at that exact point in time.
  • Some may call this living in the moment, but no matter how you frame it, this is a way that can help you meet your goal of becoming more social.

Can you find the door and step thru it?


After you get out of your house, ask yourself: now what?

You could go to a place where other people hang out.

  • This is an exciting step, because you get to pick which kind of people you like to hang out with. If you want to hang out with studious types, you can go to a library. If you want to hang out with bikers, you can go to a biker bar. You choose the place!

Where will you go?


So now that you're at this new hangout, what do you do next?

So now that you're at this new hangout, what do you do next? Talk to someone! Find one person and say hi. Start with a short, very simple conversation. Gradually, as you get more comfortable with your surroundings and who's there, step it up and talk longer. There's no need to overwhelm yourself all at once with details of a complete plan.

Baby steps!

Who will you talk to?


If you see people congregating at a new venue, what is something that you can do right now to become more social?

  • You won't make new friends standing up against the wall or in the corner of the room! Get out there and get some proximity to the group of people you want to hang out with.

What will you do or say?


So, what do you do or say?

Unless you're a pre-programmed robot with pre-written scripts for all social occasions, you are going to find yourself not knowing what to say and this is completely okay! Just go with it.

Most people are in the exact same boat as you. Laugh about it and learn how to overcome it together.

Listen and Ask.

Believe it or not, you can be quite the social butterfly by quietly listening to what others have to say and asking them OPEN-ENDED questions about the things that interest them. In fact, you may find that this is one of the biggest secrets of some of the most successful social butterflies in the world.

Just remember to expand your comfort zone one step at a time.

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