People with low self esteem often have a hard time giving positive criticism to others. When people do something that we don't like, we tend to be afraid of the consequences of telling them. So we don't say anything right away. Instead we bottle up our feelings until they explode in an angry attack on the person.
You can use the same empowering words with others that you will use with yourself. For example, instead of saying to your kids, "Go clean your room now," try saying "You can clean your room now, honey." Make it sound like a fun thing they are sure to want to do! And instead of telling your spouse, "Don't let the dog jump on the bed," try saying, "You don't need to let the dog jump on the bed."