Life isn't always fair.
As a result, you get angry and frustrated - sometimes very quickly.
However, after you've completely vented, you suddenly wish you could have had some degree of control over your emotions. Quite understandable in retrospect.
Of all human feelings, anger is probably the most difficult emotion to restrain. Being able to manage it well is the real mark of an effective person.
So, how can you learn to manage or harness your anger? Here are some tips:
1. Breathe deeply. Anger is an abstract term used to encapsulate that feeling of rage and passionate displeasure over something, someone, or maybe even yourself. It may feel so overwhelming that you actively seek ways to release it. You imagine yourself bursting into pieces if you fail to do so.
However, simply releasing it and exploding in fury often times results in a complete mess - leaving a trail of hurt feelings, unkind words, and damaged relations.
There is a better way of releasing anger systematically. Just breathe - inhale and exhale. In thru the nose, out thru the mouth. Fill your brain and body with oxygen, and then count from one to ten. If you have an extremely hostile thought about someone, try this - count down from fifty to one until the anger subsides.
2. Never release your anger on people or objects. This is a typical mistake people make when they can't contain what they feel. What is punching someone or pounding the mirror going to accomplish? Don't throw that flower vase or engagement ring across the room either. It accomplishes nothing.
The list can go on, but the bottom line is this: there is no point in lashing out at people or objects. You will only regret your actions later; and there is no sense of accomplishment in having to pay for items that are now ruined. The damage is done and you will only feel deep remorse.
3. Refrain from doing anything rash when you are angry. Rational thinking eludes you when you are overwhelmed or engulfed by emotions. In that state of fury, it is almost impossible to be rational about the things you do or say. It is only after you've unleashed your anger that you begin to realize the greater damage being done, and then you feel regret and sorry afterwards. Even if you do ask for forgiveness, sometimes it may just be too late. You have already hurt someone’s feelings irreparably.
To prevent complicating matters, seek relief with a little solitude and quiet.
Do not curse either – you may be liable for slander, defamation, or verbal abuse. Control yourself.
If you have something to say, make sure it will reap positive results.
4. If you really, really need to express your anger, leave and go somewhere else. If you need to say something badly or shout, go someplace where no one can hear you. Go to the washroom and shout as loud as you can.
Better yet, release your anger by shouting in front of a mirror. When in front of a mirror, you will realize that anger doesn't look good on you at all. In many cases, people laugh when seeing weird, contorted, and funny versions of themselves in the mirror.
5. Evaluate the reason for your anger. When you calm down, look at the bigger picture. Realize that you may be putting the blame on others, forgetting that you are also accountable for the misunderstanding.
Ask yourself: What caused your anger? What triggered your fury? How did you react? What was the result? What will you do the next time? How can this experience turn you into a better person?
Sometimes, the problem might only be in the way you look at things. Maybe it is time for a change in perspective. Bitterness, pessimism, and skepticism will only hamper your capability to establish meaningful relationships with people. Rather than taking this disruptive route, take advantage of the lessons that can be learned from such experience.
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